im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Randomize
