i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
