I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
