never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
