I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
