And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
