she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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