i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
