drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
