He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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