How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
