i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
