Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Actions speak louder than pants.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
