Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
