i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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