watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
