I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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