She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
