I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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