i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
