I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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