i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
