There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
