FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
