I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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