ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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