my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
