I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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