Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
