There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
