Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I look better un-naked...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
