TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
