I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How's work?
Spinning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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