Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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