I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
