If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
