Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
