a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
