Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize