I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
