If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
