you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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