I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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