She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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