Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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