she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
