Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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