She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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