pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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