It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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