Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
