I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have feelings that need drinking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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