We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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