I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize