GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
