He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
