Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
