her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
