i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
