he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize