Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
