your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
