peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
