All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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