She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I want is dick and wine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
