i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
