im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
