i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
