yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
