I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am spending my child support on dildos
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will be naked everywhere
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
