i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
