From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
